


All the Bastards Here Are Cold

by GutterBall



Series: The Kaiju Underground [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Continuation, Introspection, M/M, Nothing blows up, One-Shot, Sarcasm and pranks, bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:59:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GutterBall/pseuds/GutterBall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of A Life Less Ordinary, Raleigh eventually has to stop and take a moment to determine how he's dealing with everything that happened. The short answer is: not. At all. He's only done what he's done since the Gipsy Danger disaster, which is barely maintain. </p><p>So what does he do now that he has a future and someone who clearly wants to share it with him? That's right. Freak right the hell out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Bastards Here Are Cold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [knightphoenix2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightphoenix2/gifts).



> This is for Knight Phoenix, who got me thinking about Yancy a few days ago and who asked so many pointed questions about things I knew had happened in ALLO but couldn't fit into the structure of that story. That was Chuck's story, as it were. This is Raleigh's side of it. It probably won't make a lot of sense if you haven't read the longer work (I don't blame you if you haven't; it's loooong) because he does a lot of reminiscing here, but I feel like this story makes that one feel more... finished. This one feels like closure, at least to me.

Raleigh Becket paused mid-sentence, closed the book with his finger inside marking the place, and looked at the pale, silent figure in the hospital bed. Yancy had a little more color these days, but nothing much could be done about the scars, so he still looked a mess. 

But he was Raleigh's brother and he was alive in much more stable condition, and that was more than enough.

"I have a confession to make."

He ducked his head to hide a grin at the memory that statement brought to mind. He could almost hear Chuck asking if he looked like a priest with that ever-present, low-level sarcasm in his tone. But... that was kind of the point.

"I'm not really here to read to you today, Yance. I just... had to get away for a bit. I can't... it's...." Grunting, he shifted in his seat and frowned down at the book in his hands. "It's starting to feel... too much."

Yancy had no comment. Of course, Yance's eyes were closed, his devastated body slack under the sheet. His periods of lucidity were much more frequent these days and the seizures had stopped, but he still couldn't stay conscious for long.

But he was better. He was better every day, and Raleigh was more grateful for that than he could ever vocalize.

But again, that was part of the problem.

"This is gonna sound so stupid, just to warn you ahead of time, bro, but I have to say it. Even knowing you aren't actually listening right now, I have to say it." The admission didn't seem to make the confession any easier. "Here goes. I... think things are going... too well."

Yup. It sounded just as dumb out loud as he'd thought it would. Didn't make it untrue.

He shook his head. "I know. Believe me, I know. Now that things have eased off and I can kinda look back on the last five years, they were a nightmare. I mean, I knew that at the time, but... I could just keep going, ya know? Take each nightmare as it came and just... keep going."

Yance's chest rose and fell, rose and fell, as easy and comforting as the waves on the beach Chuck had dragged him to. Naked. The bastard.

His lips twitched on a rueful grin, and he ducked his head again.

"Anyway." He shook his head, bringing himself back on track. "It's not like I want to go back to that. To signing on for construction jobs when I didn't have to provide any ID or go too far away. To hitting up convenience stores with nothing but a frozen Butterfinger as a weapon when work was just too scarce. To freaking out about what would happen to you if one of those jobs went wrong." He swallowed hard, his grin completely gone. "To debating whether or not I could bring myself to ask Chau for another favor, knowing what the price for that favor would be."

Shifting in his chair, he looked away from his brother and off to the doorway, half-hoping for someone to walk by and break the sudden pall in the mood. He didn't like to think about... any of that. It wouldn't have been one of his best moments even if he hadn't been half out of his mind that Yancy would be eighty-sixed before he could work something out.

Probably a good thing he hadn't known at the time what had become of the other PPDC pilots. God, even now that the facility was destroyed, he shuddered at the thought.

"He offered, ya know."

He couldn't look at his brother. He shouldn't be telling him this. There was always a chance that Yancy would wake up in the middle of this recitation, and Raleigh really didn't want the poor guy to know exactly how far his little brother had gone and would have gone to keep him alive.

"That one time... afterward... he said that if I stayed with him, he'd cover your medical expenses. It's his damn hospital; he definitely could have done it."

Fidgeting now, he opened the book, closed it on his finger again, then opened it and marked the page to close it entirely. Sighing, he sat it aside on the handy tray, then clasped his hands together in his lap, still unable to look at his silent brother.

"Even when I said no, I'd find a way, he said the offer was always on the table. I... guess I should probably be flattered. He wasn't being an asshole or anything." He forced a grin that came nowhere near his eyes. "He just said he liked the way I looked sprawled on his bed, and he was willing to do a lot to keep me there. Pretty sure it was a compliment."

His mind went to earlier this morning, to Chuck's dimpled smirk as he'd leaned against the bedroom's doorjamb and drawled that it was a damn good thing they'd finally set the furnace to a decent temperature because a naked Ray was his favorite Ray. Again, he ducked his head to hide the little grin. He had no doubt it showed on his whole damn face.

Of course, he hadn't told Chuck that he kept the furnace low so his bill would be the absolute minimum he could make it without shutting it off entirely. That his fridge wasn't empty because he hadn't been to the store but because he ate as little as he could get away with. That he only had one duffel's worth of clothing because he hadn't bought more than a new pack of boxer briefs in the past five years. Anything to cut financial corners. Anything to free up every extra dollar for Yancy's care.

Then again, he was pretty sure Chuck knew all of that, anyway. The bastard might be an arrogant jerk sometimes, but he was nobody's fool.

And, though Chau's little compliment had made him feel... dirty... and a little cheap... Chuck's smirking leer actually made him feel... well, a little smirky in return. In fact, he might have stretched and showed off a little. Maybe.

Yup. Grinning at his hands in his lap again.

He cleared his throat, again trying to get back on track. "I just... it's better. _Everything's_ better. I get both of our pensions now, thanks to Herc. I'm putting yours in an account for you in case... ya know...." He shifted and glanced up at the scarred body on the bed. "Don't... get your hopes up or anything, bro, but Newt has... some ideas. Some of that Kaiju research might be more useful than horrific in the right hands. But the point is that we actually have some money now, so I'm not constantly thinking about how I'll ever manage to keep up. And the PPDC is covering all of your hospital stuff now, so that's... I can't even say how much of a relief. I'm not saying it's not better."

But....

Sighing, he slumped back into the chair and made good use of the armrests. "Chuck... helped me fix the roof. Did I tell you it fell in in a couple of places? I might not have. I didn't want you to worry. But it's fixed now, so I guess it's okay. He got right up there on the roof with me, snowblower in hand, and cleared the whole thing so we could check to make sure those were the only trouble spots. I have no idea where he learned how, but he definitely knew what he was doing. He patched one hole while I patched the other, and the damn thing looks almost like new."

There may or may not have been an on-roof snowball fight that probably should have killed them both. Luckily, Chuck had insisted on makeshift safety lines before dumping an armful of snow down Raleigh's coat after sneaking up on him like a goddamn ninja.

Another little grin as he ducked his head.

"The upstairs was a mess, though. We ended up having to replace some of the floor. A year's worth of leaks had rotted the carpet and warped the sub-flooring." He shot Yancy a grin that didn't need hiding. "Your room was the worst. I was tempted to lay in pink carpet or something, but Chuck got a deal on some really good oyster grey Berber, so we just did the whole upstairs the same color. We will, however, be repainting shortly, so don't get too cocky." His grin turned to a smirk. "I dunno if you'll ever get to actually live there, but I'll be happy to bring you pictures of your gorgeous pink walls with little daisies painted in the corners and lace curtains at the window."

Chuck had been highly amused when Raleigh suggested something similar. Raleigh had the feeling he'd come back from the hospital one of these days to find the project well under way. He ducked his head again, grinning.

"Anyway, since Chuck seems to be obsessed with the mutant spiders he swears live in the house, he's become a bit of a neat freak. You should've seen him when we first got back and he walked face-first into a spiderweb in the hall." This time, he didn't bother hiding his grin. Smirk. Whatever. "I didn't understand half of what he shouted. His accent just kept getting thicker, and, honestly, some of the lingo is beyond me. We may speak the same language, but I'm still not sure what half of what he says means."

That little incident had resulted in a week-long cleaning frenzy, starting with a trip to the nearest department store for a vacuum cleaner, a mop and bucket, and five separate dusters so Chuck could simply hurl one if he realized a spider had somehow gotten into it. It had happened. More than once.

And it was hilarious every single time.

His amusement settled him a little, and he shot Yancy a grin. "The place is starting to look livable again. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I... wasn't really _living_ there this whole time, ya know? Just... existing, I guess. Surviving."

Yeah. Yancy probably knew.

But....

His amusement faded, and he found himself suddenly all too serious. "There's really just the one thing left to do."

Shifting, he debated giving up this stupid rambling and going back to reading. Reading was easier. He could just fall into the easy cadence of his own voice, of the old-fashioned phrasing, of memories of Yancy reading to him as they huddled with a flashlight under tented blankets in one or the other's bed after lights-out. Those had been the best times. Just the two of them in their own little world. Nothing bad had happened to them yet, and they had no reason to believe anything bad ever would.

Sometimes, when he'd been reading for hours on end, Raleigh could almost remember how it had been to feel so safe and happy. Almost.

"Chuck wants to scrape down the siding and repaint this summer."

And there it was. The root of all of Raleigh's... he didn't even know.

Sure, Chuck had mentioned the whole paint job thing weeks ago while they lounged on the beach. Raleigh had taken it for what he thought it was -- a hint that, just like that first night, the amusingly arrogant prick intended to barge right into his life and not leave until he was good and ready. He really hadn't given it much thought beyond the idea that they'd earned a chance to make things better and the time to get started on it.

And they had. Times were good.

But... summer. Summer was... the future. The future sounded... _permanent_.

His voice so quiet he wasn't sure Yancy would have heard him even if he was awake, Raleigh tried to put it all into words without sounding stupid and ungrateful and all the things he couldn't help feeling he was.

"Remember how you used to say you liked who you liked? That the parts didn't matter because only the person did? Well... the parts mattered to me. Otherwise, I'd have been Chau's body pillow this whole time. Hell, he might have even managed to find a neurosurgeon if I'd offered up the right incentive."

He swallowed hard, because he'd intended that to sound funny, but it didn't. At all. Because he had... tolerated Chau, but not much more. It had felt wrong, and not just because he was essentially selling himself for his brother's life.

And then... Chuck.

He sighed. "I thought it was just... we were probably all gonna die, ya know? I was pretty sure he wanted me, because that wasn't a 'whatever's available' kind of kiss, so I thought... what the hell? You probably remember the last time I'd been laid better than I did at that point, and... I can't... explain it, really. Chuck was... is...." Shaking his head, he grinned ruefully. "Chuck is beyond explanation. He kissed me, and it didn't feel... wrong."

The grin faltered, and he took a long moment to let Yancy's quiet, regular breaths soothe him. When Chuck had oh-so-casually mentioned the whole scraping and painting thing a few days ago, like there wasn't even a question of him still being here, Raleigh had felt almost slapped in the face. Chuck had no intention of going anywhere anytime soon, and... what did that mean?

"Even after the mission, we just... kept at it, ya know? I didn't even question it. I guess I wasn't thinking about... how long. About... what we were. To each other." He swallowed hard. "What he is to me."

Antsy all of a sudden, he shoved up out of the chair and took a turn around the room.

"I mean, we fuck like rabbits, and it's...." Blushing a little, he shot his sleeping brother a look, just to make sure. Wild horses wouldn't have dragged this out of him in front of a conscious and aware audience. "It's good. No, it's _amazing_. I thought it'd be weird, like it was with Chau, but it's not even in the same _universe_."

He wasn't exaggerating. Either Chuck was some sort of lust deity, or Raleigh had completely lost his mind at some point, because the past weeks had been full of the best sex of his life. He'd always considered himself straight, and he'd thought the experience with Chau had just confirmed that, but Chuck....

Chuck did something to him. Chuck did _plenty_ to him.

And he'd better not think about it right now because this one-sided conversation was difficult enough without him sporting a boner because of it.

"Sorry. Just...."

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and made himself sit down. The pacing seemed to make him more antsy instead of less.

"He's... Yance, he's not just staying until the house is fixed. He's not just making time with me until the next thing comes along." He gripped the armrests and shifted in his seat. "For God's sake, we're _living together_ , and I didn't even really notice until he talked about still being here come summer, like it never occurred to him to be anywhere else."

And there it was. He had danced around it this whole time, but it was finally out. He was living with Chuck Hansen, and while he wasn't really fussed about not being one hundred percent straight anymore because he didn't regret a single minute he'd spent with Chuck, he _was_ a little fussed about being in a relationship.

What the hell did he have to offer? He was a mess. He'd somehow managed to drunkenly stumble out of his brief return to service without dying or getting anyone else killed -- Pentecost didn't count because Raleigh was positive the marshal wouldn't have wanted to die any other way -- but that didn't change the fact that he was a worn-out, broken-down has-been with a bum arm, nightmares, and a shady past.

Why did Chuck even want him?

"Yance... he has his whole life ahead of him now. What the fuck is he doing in Alaska with me? He _hates_ the cold."

Thank God he'd said that part quietly because, before the answerless silence became unbearable, he heard familiar, if hurried, footsteps in the hallway. He sat up and reached for the book, but Chuck beat him to it by practically running through the doorway, snatching two handfuls of sweater, and hauling him up out of the chair and into a hard, sloppy kiss.

Even with the weight of his thoughts pressing him down, Raleigh was helpless not to respond to such fervor, to that familiar taste and the flare of heat it sent through him. He'd said Chuck was beyond explanation, and he'd meant it. No one had ever effected him like this.

At the moment, he wasn't complaining.

Then, Chuck pulled away and gifted him with a ridiculously wide grin, eyes sparkling and dimples carved so deep into his cheeks that he almost looked like a caricature. Raleigh was, as always, tempted to reach out and touch those dimples to see if they were real.

"Mate, you are the absolute tits."

He blinked, his grin faltering. "I... what?"

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Oi, that one isn't even Australian slang. You got no excuse for not knowing it."

Shaking his head, Raleigh fought a grin. "Whatever. What are you doing here?"

Instead of answering, the little brat reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a sleeve of... oh.

Blushing now, he shrugged. "Herc helped."

Chuck eyed him, still smirking. "Somehow, I doubt it was his idea to special order me an entire crate of Tim Tams and have them delivered to the house, Ray."

Since he couldn't deny the charge, he shoved his hands into his pockets and ducked his head. It hadn't seemed like that big a thing at the time. They'd been eating the spag bol Chuck had slaved over all afternoon -- neither of them were exactly chefs, but they'd fed themselves for too long to not have a few favorite dishes that they made fairly well, and it had become kind of a thing to splurge once a week -- and, out of nowhere, Chuck had mentioned that the only thing that could make the meal better was Tim Tams for dessert. But, being that they were in fucking Alaska, he'd settle for the brownies Raleigh had made from a mix the night before.

Raleigh had called Herc the next morning and made the order, and two days later, Chuck had dropped his still-be-here-come-summer bombshell, and Raleigh had forgotten all about his little surprise. It seemed... poignant, now. Like he'd known something then that he hadn't even been aware of.

"Oi, Yance, you want some?"

His head shot up and he looked first at Chuck, then at Yancy. When his brother was as out cold as before, he shot a frown at Chuck, wondering what kind of joke he thought he was making. It seemed... a little insensitive. A _lot_ insensitive.

"He can have chocolate, right? I mean, like real food?"

His frown deepened, settling into his forehead. "He probably could if he was awake."

Raising an eyebrow -- likely hearing the ready-to-be-pissed in his tone -- Chuck grunted. "He _is_ awake."

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure I get the joke."

The big jerk rolled his eyes. "Seriously? You've sat by his bedside for five years, and you still can't tell if he's awake or not? His eyes are moving, mate. They don't do that when he's unconscious." His attention shifted to the bed. "Yance, quit fucking about and speak up."

Appalled, Raleigh looked at his brother and felt the air rush out of his lungs when blue eyes opened and focused on him, Yancy's mouth twisting into that shitty little grin he used to get when he'd pulled a fast one on his younger, more gullible brother.

"Oh, my God! How long have you been listening, you asshole??"

"Long enough, kid. Long enough." Those laughing blue eyes shifted toward Chuck and... God, was that a nod? Had he gained enough strength and control to nod now? "Hey, Hansen. Your timing is for shit."

Chuck's eyebrows shot up. "Don't follow."

Another shitty little grin. "Rals was just telling me how he can't figure out what you're doing with a loser like him." Nope, now it was a smirk. "I was just about to speak up and shock the hell out of him when you showed up and ruined it. I've been playing possum for like an _hour_."

Irritated and aghast and painfully mortified, Raleigh smacked his hand to his forehead and groaned. "You are the worst brother in the history of the world."

"Hey! How else was I supposed to get you to tell me what the hell is going on? If Hansen didn't come in with you once in a while, I wouldn't even know he was still here." If possible, the smirk got shittier. "Or that you two were following up on the looks I caught you shooting each other when you thought I wasn't looking."

Sweating with the force of his blush, he wanted nothing more than to sink though the floor and disappear forever. "Shouldn't you be passing back out, like, any second now?"

"Feeling pretty damn frisky at the moment, bro. Hansen looks a bit confused, though."

Sure enough, when Raleigh forced himself to look at the man that had pretty much just strolled into his life and refused to stroll back out, Chuck looked more than a little perplexed.

"Oh, God, what?"

"You really think you're a loser?"

He had no idea how to answer that question. In fact, he had no idea how to navigate this entire conversation. He should have just stuck to reading his damn book, but noooooo.

"Ray, you do realize you pretty much saved the world, yeah?"

Well, he sort of had, but it wasn't like he did it alone. Or would have even tried if Opportunity hadn't kicked down his door and dragged him, kicking and screaming, into the fight.

"And that you're probably the best pilot in the whole bloody world?"

Not like there was a lot of competition these days. And only because Chuck had been his copilot and was, thus, out of the competition.

"And that you sacrificed everything to keep your brother there safe, then sacrificed everything all over again for a shot at saving his life? Then sacrificed it all again to eject me and go down on your own, which I will never forgive you for but was still pretty damn impressive?"

He opened his mouth to say... he didn't even know what, but Chuck raised a hand. His mouth closed.

"Mate, you're probably the best person I know. Half the time I don't even believe you're real and thank my lucky fucking stars you didn't go after Mako, like you probably should have."

He blinked, stunned silent. Was that really what Chuck thought of him? Was... hell, was it maybe even true?

For the first time, it occurred to him that he'd spent the last five years of his life waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the _last_ shoe to drop, as it were. He'd been living as an alternative to dying, and mostly only doing so because he didn't know how long Yancy would have without a steady flow of money into Chau's hospital on his behalf. Even when Chuck had barged in and made himself a fixture in his life, Raleigh hadn't stopped waiting for that next blow, for that obstacle he couldn't get over or around.

He'd still been waiting for the last thing. Bracing for it.

He'd been too busy trying to provide for his brother to wonder if Yancy would actually miss him if that last thing ever came. He'd been too consumed with taking each new hurdle as it loomed to think about why Chuck had jumped into his life so quickly in the first place.

Maybe that was why he had such a hard time grasping the concept of a future.

A future with Chuck.

Something inside him... shifted. It didn't hurt, though. In fact, it felt like something that had been lodged wrong for five long years finally slid back into place. And with it, he knew exactly what to say.

"Mako was never for me, Chuck."

Which was true. He hadn't even considered it, mostly because he hadn't considered that anyone would want him. He admired Mako -- was, in fact, a little in awe of her -- but she was way too good for the likes of him. Too bright for someone who'd wallowed in such darkness for so long.

However, the thought didn't stop the grin spreading over his face.

"I mean, can you imagine getting the shovel talk from Stacker Pentecost?"

Relief and, yes, that ever-present current of sarcastic amusement filled those changeable grey-blue-green eyes, and Chuck quirked a smirk. "What, you weren't worried about Herc? He'd already kicked in your door and tried to strangle you, mate. And that was just from kidnapping me and maybe getting me shot."

Feeling better than he had in... well, since he could remember, he shrugged. "I figured he already got it out of his system."

Snorting, Chuck reached out and snagged a handful of sweater, giving it a tug. "Get over here and kiss me, precious."

Despite the pet name that he still couldn't quite get his mind around, Raleigh obligingly let himself be reeled in and indulged in that familiar, welcome taste, breathing in Chuck's comfortable scent. It wasn't aftershave or soap, though Chuck used both and those smells were present. It wasn't cologne, either, because Chuck didn't wear any. It was just Chuck, and it smelled... comfortable. He couldn't describe it better than that.

"Awww. You guys are so sweet. I think I'm gonna cry."

Chuck grumbled and pulled back just enough to shoot Yancy a half-hearted glare. "And you say _my_ timing is for shit."

Unrepentant, Yance managed enough movement to almost be a shrug, and Raleigh made a mental note to interrogate the sneaky bastard on just how much improvement he'd really seen after that surgery.

"Hey, I let you have your moment. You're lucky I didn't interrupt to give _you_ the shovel talk, Hansen. That's my little brother you're slobbering on."

Rolling his eyes, Chuck backed off completely and, with one more pointed look, moved around the bed to sit down on the other side. "Alright, mate. Get it out of your system."

Raleigh shook his head and sat down, not bothering to reach for the book. Something told him he wouldn't be reading anymore today.

"Did you really just call him precious?"

He grunted, feeling the blush heat his cheeks again.

Chuck only smirked. "Had to come up with something. He's got a pet name for me, yeah?"

Yancy shot him a look, but Raleigh just shook his head. He was absolutely not getting into the whole fungus thing today. He'd already done way too much talking.

"You know I'll get it out of you sooner or later."

He glared. "I'm gonna go with later."

Blue eyes rolled, then edged back over toward Chuck. "And what's this I hear about painting our house this summer? That sounds like a pretty big deal, Hansen. I mean, what do you care if the ol' family homestead is a little faded?"

And it finally hit him. Raleigh finally caught up. Yancy had been listening the whole damn time, and he'd understood the underlying issue. And, because he was a good big brother even when he couldn't beat up anyone who threatened his sibling, he was asking the questions he knew Raleigh wouldn't. _Couldn't_.

And Chuck, either because he was an arrogant little smartass or because he knew exactly what Yancy was doing and wanted to poke back, avoided the point entirely. "Mate, have you seen the ol' family homestead lately? It looks like something out of a horror movie. That shit ain't faded; it's straight up peeling like a carcass in the desert."

Yancy's lips twitched, but he held onto his narrow-eyed interrogation expression. "Even so, it seems a bit... homemaker-ish. So... what's it got to do with you?"

Wincing, Raleigh held his breath.

But Chuck only smirked. "Somebody's gotta stick around and make sure your drongo of a brother actually eats once in a while, mate."

Raleigh ducked his head and grinned. It was a running thing between them now, and he'd actually gained a good ten pounds since they'd come back from their little vacation to the beach. Chuck still poked him in the ribs once in a while and told him he was too skinny, but he was getting better. Especially since Chuck insisted on keeping the fridge stocked with more than eggs and nearly-expired juice.

"And I may have sucked it up enough to move to fucking Alaska for him, but I'll be damned if I'll live in a haunted house, to boot."

Yancy smiled, lighting up with the expression, and Raleigh felt... something he didn't have the words to express. All he could do was duck his head and grin.

"I guess you'll do, Hansen."

"Good to know." But Chuck sounded pleased, and when Raleigh looked up at him, the little bastard gave him a wink. "Now, who wants Tim Tams? I have a whole fucking crate at home, and I'm feeling generous."

Home. He grinned. Maybe the house wasn't quite home yet, but it was getting there. And as Chuck tossed him a Tim Tam over Yancy's bed, Raleigh found himself looking forward to summer.

To the future.


End file.
